Yeo's Useless blog

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Absurd piece of Maria-sama ga Miteru fan fiction

Just a brief downer. Sorry if in two particular places this goes a bit to far. If it really insults you despite the context please message me why and I will see what I can do. Other wise have fun:


“So foreign trade started in sixteen-hundred and three. That was three years after the founding of the Shogunate.” Yumi flipped through her small ring of study cards.

“Indeed.” Yoshino, nodded as she and Yumi made their way down the street in the crisp early morning air.

“So the period the isolationist policy ended and modernisation began should be from eighteen fifty three to… to, darn.” Yumi flipped a card. “Oh. I don’t have that date written down.”

“Don’t worry that is an easy one.” Yoshino pulled out a small gel pen and let Yumi pass her the study cards. “Eighteen sixty… was it sixty? I know it was more than a decade. Shoot I’ll have to look this up just a moment.” Yoshino passed Yumi back the cards so she could pull out her mobile phone. However just after the display had flipped up Yumi gave a start like a shocked dinosaur.

“What.” Said Yumi pointing at the device in Yoshino’s hand. “Is that thing?”

“Wha?” Yoshino was briefly silent with confusion. “It’s a phone.”

“Now Yoshino, I know you can perform a few magic tricks, but how can a phone send a signal without a phone line? Also you don’t use a phone to look things up! That’s what a library is for.” Said Yumi; now slightly hyperventilating.

“Don’t be silly Yumi.” Said Yoshino. “Everyone uses their phone for everything these days. Remember when I wanted to surprise Rei with a meal that didn’t taste of charcoal or vegemite?”

“Yes and I gave you a recipe clipped from a good magazine I read.”

“You emailed me a link to a recipe on a blog you read. I have it right here see?” Yoshino tapped a few buttons on her ‘phone’ and tried to show the screen to Yumi but the other girl put her hands up between the screen and her eyes.

“I have a feeling something very bad will happen if I see that thing doing anything, even receiving phone calls, something that it has yet to do!”

“Yumi.” Said Yoshino now seriously concerned. “Are you okay? You are worrying me.”

“Ora, ora.” Said a new voice in the street that was otherwise so deserted it was starting to look both suspicious and lazy. “What a nice surprise.”

“Sei!” Said Yumi.

“Good day to you too.” Said Sei grinning at her two underclassman.

“Good day Sei.” Said Yoshino. “Perhaps you can calm Yumi down.”

“About what?” Said Sei.

“She seems to have forgotten what a phone is?” Said Yoshino realising the absurdity of her own statement as it left her mouth.

“It’s just that until this very moment no such thing has ever existed.” Said Yumi, now slowly getting her breathing under control.

“…” Sei was silent for one brief moment.

“As in, she is surprised that you still have a flip phone?” Sei pulled her touch screen phone out of her hip pocket.

“There are plenty of good flip phones still around.” Said Yoshino with a voice so flat you could tell she had made this defence before. Meanwhile Yumi’s breathing had gone up again and she clutched at her heart.

“Yeah but the screens are so thin. If I had to organise my calendar on something like that I’d mess up what days I have set for dates with Kei, and that is something I don’t take risks with.”

“As always you can’t help but announce how happy you are to have a steady girlfriend in front of me like some middle school boy.” Said Yoshino who folded her arms.

“If I might as a question.” Yumi razed a shaking hand. In the past twenty seconds Yumi looked as if she had aged twenty years and had grown incredibly pale. “By girlfriend you both are referring to being very close friends yes?”

“No.” Said Sei now furrowing her brow while Yoshino brought a hand to her chin in deep contemplation. “As in Kei, you’ve met her plenty of times, she’s my girlfriend.”

“Kei is your girlfriend?” Said Yumi.

“This is odd Yumi.” Said Sei. “I mean you were the first person I told when I got together with Kei. Don’t you remember? We were having a skype conversation because I was in Hong Kong at the time covering Japanese war reparations for my youtube channel.”

“Let’s just put those few words I don’t know the meaning of to one side for a moment.” Said Yumi miming the action of moving a small box. “Kei likes girls, like you?”

“As in we’re both lesbians, yes. I thought that was obvious.” Said Sei. “Never mind me Kei studies literature theory at a women’s university, wears those awesome framed glasses and puts up with the absurd machinations of a suave butch lady. That’s pretty gay in my book.”

“She’s referring to herself as suave again.” Said Yoshino who then finally noticed the slightly lost look in Yumi’s face. “Yumi you don’t look alright and you say you don’t remember any of this?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it… it makes a lot of sense actually in places. I’m just a little confused.”

A comforting arm wrapped around Yumi’s shoulders.

“Maybe you just need some rest.” It was Shimako, who was wearing a white suit with a gold pocket watch, and had long white rabbit ears on her head.

“Shimako?” Yumi looked at the sudden arrival, and then at her ears. “Okay now that makes no sense however much the ears suit her.”

“I agree there.” Said Sei.

“She means that humans don’t have rabbit ears.” Said Yoshino.

“That too.” Sei shrugged.

“No wait, I think I know what is going on now.” Said Yumi. “I must be dreaming. I’m just dreaming and I’m not an eighteen year old just about to head to exams when her whole world changes all of a sudden.

“Instead I’m thirty-five, and I’m just having a nightmare because I’m stressed out over that presentation and my co-worker hasn’t done their half.”

“Why?” Said Sei.

“Oh.” Said Yumi. “She feels sad because of a misunderstanding between her and Ms. Kumagawa. Now they both think they hate each other and it is impossible to convince them otherwise.”

“Seems to me…” Said Sei prodding Shimako’s right bunny hear and watching it realistically twitch. “… you just need to get them in the same room through a bit of a ruse. Then once they get their feelings out they will see it is just a misunderstanding.”

“Oh, oh of course.” Said Yumi immediately brightening up. “That always works!” Yumi looked around with gratitude at Sei, Yoshino and Shimako. “Thank you dream manifestations of my friends. I think tomorrow will go really well.”

“Well that is a relief.”  Said Yoshino.

“It’s what I do.” Said Sei.

“I feel like I was only here for one gag and that was it.” Said Shimako.

“Now I can get back to my normal dreams.” Said Yumi. “Winning Rally Japan while simultaneously solving murders with Yoshino.”

“You’re right!” Said Yoshino, who immediately tossed Yumi a racing helmet and some rally pacenotes. “And not a moment too soon. We only have another two laps to figure out who poisoned Kashiwagi’s sports drink and place in the top three or we’ll have lady Akibara Ogasawara down on our head. Now let’s burn rubber baby!”

Filed under Marimite fanfic silly dream sequence maria-sama ga miteru

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